Homelessness vs. Familylessness

Recently, I have been thinking about the similarities and differences between myself and certain friends and family members. It's something that I sometimes do to try to convince myself that I'm not mentally-handicapped. <g>

After some time thinking about the similarities and differences, I began developing new notions about them. In doing so, I found myself categorizing various relationships that we (respectively) have in our lives: parental, sibling, friendship, spousal, offspring, acquaintance, professional, etc.

I realized, when identifying the different categories, that most of us have "same-sex" relationships! For example, my relationship with my brother was a same-sex relationship. That between Father and myself is a same-sex one. My sisters have a same-sex relationship with each other; and each of them had a same-sex relationship with Mother.

Well, it would seem that each of us is blessed with a same-sex relationship. And when I realized this, I realized what a farce it is to identify gays and lesbians as people in a "same-sex relationship."

Without debating the source of homosexuality (i.e., whether it is biological or social in origin), I believe that, based on my own experiences and first-hand observations, it is not a chosen trait, but one that is innate. I have often told friends and family that, had I been given the choice, I would have chosen the path of least resistance; I would have chosen the path that did not make me an enemy of certain religious groups, that did not make me the target of redneck humor like Larry the Cable Creep, and that did not make me an outcast of my own family for the major part of my life.

Anyone would acknowledge what a travesty of social justice it is for a person to grow up homeless. But how many of us consider the fate of one, like myself, who is forced to live "family-less?"

Now there's a new concept: familyless. More subtle than homelessness, familyless-ness is when a person lives without the full support of a traditional family. I thought that (between the ages of 24 - 34) I had chosen to live familylessly. Indeed, I did chose to live in a geographically distinct area from every member of my traditional family.

As I grew -- familylessly -- I discovered how independent I could be. I discovered how much I could support my self. I discovered how much I could help others besides myself... I discovered that I did belong... not to a traditional family, perhaps... but to this time... to this space... to this dimension.

I realized that my choice had not been initiated by any single yearning deep within myself. Rather, it had been a response to a traumatic event within my family. It had not been an initial action -- but a re-action. That was the moment when I realized that I was not homeless... but familyless.

In my case familylessness had resulted from my flawed "coming out" to my family. I had come out to my family; but, being petrified, I had not done it successfully. One day I shall share my "coming out" story here at High Techno-Anxiety.