(This is my attempt at making people laugh.) The following story is fictional but with elements borrowed from my life. In order to protect parties (both guilty and innocent), I've disguised reality and present it here as fiction. Only the most-connected reader will make any sense out of it at all.
Alice doesn't live here anymore... Look! It's the Tweedle Brothers... Off with his head! We should have a staff outing... in June.
Q. (asked of me at work) Who do you think you are? The Exorcist? These are kids -- not daemons -- that we are dealing with!
Q. (asked of me at work and elsewhere) When are you going to quit quitting? When you don't smoke, you are like Hell on Earth!
Q. (asked of me at work, the last time I got a haircut) What are you trying to do? Imitate Brittany Spears??
Q. (asked of me at work, when traveling back to Missouri from Omaha) What kind of Christian are you? Studying the Red-Lettered edition of the Bible!! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Q. (asked of me at work) Would you be interested in being Systems Engineer? You are among only about 4 or 5 people in the company (who have this degree of knowledge and passion)!
Q. (asked of me at work) Why in Hell would you come in at 4:00 a.m.?
Q. (asked of me at work) Why did you contact H.R.?!
Q. (asked of me at work) Why did you contact the Ethics Officer?!
Q. (asked of me at work) What does "
Q. (asked of me at work) Do you think your sexuality will impact your performance?
Q. (asked of me at work, during interview) How old are you?
Q. (asked of me at work) Can you hold my hand? I'm going to represent the company... I've only been here 3 years longer than you... I need somebody for companionship. It's going to be boring. The food will be awful. I really didn't come to work to market our company. Hey! I'm and Engineer for Christ's sake! Well, if you're not going to... I'm going over your head and stealing one of your team members... to Hell with your project's deadlines!
Q. (asked of me at work) Can you prove that I'm not a productive member of the office??
Q. (asked of me at work) Can you explain K.I.S.S.? I am an engineer... but, I'm too young to know stuff like that! I'm offended that you're calling me stupid... let's fight!
Q. (asked of me at work) Can we just call Jose "Joe"? After all, this is America!
Q. (asked of me at work) How do you spell relief?
[more to come as time permits]
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