Mood Trip

Wow! Things were going so well and, then, without warning... BOOM! I started spiraling, spiraling, spiraling...

It was scary! I mean, I was terrified! From the past, I could tell where I was headed. So, I decided to prevent the "worst case scenario."

I drove myself to the E.R. of O.M.C. (Order My Casket aka Ozarks Medical Center). I checked into the E.R. at approximately 2 a.m. There were about 6 others sitting in the waiting area, awaiting triage...

During this initial wait, I kept going outside to check on Houston... to comfort myself... self-talk... sometimes it can be invaluable.

I had already spoken with my sister... she assured me that we'd get Houston taken care of. That relieved my mind enough to show up at the E.R.

At around 4 a.m., I was taken into triage. Blood samples were taken, urine specimen, the regular routine...

Around 6:30 a.m., I asked where we stood. The nurse told me that I would be admitted; we simply needed a Doctor to sign off. "Whew!" I thought to myself. But, he said, the doctor's shift change would be at 7 a.m., so I would have to wait a little longer.

"No problem," I thought to myself. At 7:15 a.m., Dr. Rountree came in for her interview. Through responding to her questions, I broke down crying beyond being able to simply recover. About fifteen minutes later, she informed me that she'd pass the information to the Stress Unit... and I should be admitted shortly. She told me that Dr. Fontaine was not on; but, Dr. Akins was...

At 9 a.m., I went out to the desk and, upon seeing Dr. Rountree, I asked what the status was of my case... She then told me that the Stress Unit now wants me to see a social worker.

In a split second, my sadness... my depression... turned to rage. "I've been here for 7 hours," I yelled. "I'll just go to Phelps County Hospital!"

"Go ahead," Dr. Rountree replied. Then a nurse or some male screamed at me from my right side (I didn't note who he was)... "Go on!"

"Remove this from my wrist," I replied, indicating the band which had been placed on my arm upon checkin some 7 hours earlier.

Someone (again, I don't recall who) grabbed scissors and cut off the wristband. I then stormed out to my vehicle.

I called my sister to tell her what had happened... and, not knowing how I would get Houston taken care of if I should disappear so far away from anyone who could care for him... I decided to take him to Sue's to hook him up there. In fact, I had left his dish there earlier when I had attached him to the railing while Father and I prepared the poke... and the wheels on his trailer.

Then, on my way to Phelps County Regional Medical Center I went. On the drive to Rolla, I struggled as I resisted acting out on any suicidal thoughts which went through my mind. When driving on an overpass over a train which was moving below, the thought of pulling over and jumping in the midst of train cars popped into my mind. I fought the urge to turn around and perform that task! I was more scared than I had been in months!

I kept thinking of Houston... of how close I was to getting assistance for housing... of how much progress I had made regarding the TBI...

I kept telling myself that P.C.R.M.C. was going to be a better experience. I reminded myself of all the people whom I've spoken with who have had a bad experience with O.M.C. It would be soon... and I would have help, I kept thinking...

When I got to the E.R. at P.C.R.M.C., I saw a huge line. I couldn't control myself in the midst of all the crowd... I made my way up to the Stress Unit... I burst out at the first encounter with a voice!

A nurse there helped calm me down... he showed great disbelief when I told him my story of what had happened at O.M.C. "They let you leave??!" he exclaimed! Now, for the first time, I had not believed it either! I had not realized until this moment just how out-of-control I had been.

They rushed me into E.R. Collected blood... urine... the routine. They had informed me of the fact that their unit was full.

I was transported to St. Anthony's in St. Louis... (Hyland Behavioral Health Services).

Here it is, Wednesday, May 20. I was released yesterday... picked up my vehicle from P.C.R.M.C. last night... parked in Walmart in the evening... took my meds and slept like a baby.

This morning, I attended the 3-hour meeting at Ozark Action, Inc. Then I rushed over to the library to capture these memories before going on over to Alternative Opportunities where I need to talk to a counselor!

What would I do without these helpful organizations? I sure miss Houston. Adieu.

Road Trip

Wow! Things have been a-happenin'! Drove down to Clovis, New Mexico, via Lubbock, Texas. It seemed way too long of a drive; had to stop twice for a rest!

Met Angel's Father and some of her friends (Martin, Sammy, et. al.). The weather was quite warm. Watched a taped show of a local award show honoring the music of New Mexico. It reminded me of days in Hawai`i at the Prince Lot festival or some such.

After a couple of days, Angel made the decision to stay where she could be close to friends. I considered that a smart move; and made my way back homeward.

I stopped off in Springfield, Missouri. I spent half a day in the GLOCenter. I met Kevin, who is the leader of the Brotherhood. I am grateful for the use of their technology while there.

Later, I went to Lake Springfield, where Houston and I thoroughly enjoyed ourselves! It was so beautiful that I decided that I'd return for an exclusive visit to this space... I can't remember when I've had such a peaceful day.

Finally, I returned home to Thayer, where I received some exciting news about the housing situation! I'm looking forward to Wednesday, April 20, on two fronts:

In the a.m., I'll be briefing for the housing solution, and...

In the p.m., I'll be attending a meeting of the Oregon County Library Board.

This week I've spent quite a bit of time in front of a computer looking at business spreadsheets and contemplating business models and so forth...

The weather has been agreeable (despite the storms that I've managed to sleep through) and I'm thankful!

'Til next time, aloha!